


Human Sickness 101

by fireweed15



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Cultural Differences, Gen, Season/Series 05 Spoilers, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-26 00:55:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13224819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fireweed15/pseuds/fireweed15
Summary: Lars catches a cold. The Off-Colors think he's dying.





	Human Sickness 101

The fact that the common cold could not only survive in space but survive in an environment where there wasn't even organic life was, in Lars Barriga's humble opinion, complete bullshit. What was even worse though was being the guy who had to find all of that out—and again, Lars was calling bullshit.

Now if only bitching about it could cure it…

He huffed quietly, digging through the backpack Steven had left in the wormhole… vortex… whatever in his head. Clothes, more clothes, food and drinks (thank god for Gatorade)—at the very bottom was a first aid kit of the type one would keep in the trunk of their car.

Lars was starting to suspect that one of Steven's moms had helped pack this, but he wasn't going to ask too many questions about it as he unlatched and opened the kit. Among the contents inside was a pack of DayQuil capsules; he took one of those, swallowing it with some of the Gatorade, hoping the pill would kick in sooner, rather than later.

He leaned back against the stone wall of one of the many, many crevices (he tried not to think of them as holes) of the Kindergarten. Try as he might to relax enough to nap, his sleep was too shallow and fitful to do anything except tire him more.

All the same, he tried to sleep for a solid hour before he was interrupted by Rhodonite. "There you are," she announced. "We've been looking for you."

"Oh—" Lars sat up fully, stretching. "What's up Rhodey?"

"Is something wrong?" Rhodonite dropped into a seated position much like Lars' albeit a few feet away. "You miss your Earth home, don't you?"

She was perceptive, but off base. "Nah, not this time," he replied, waving the words aside. "Just wanted to sleep, I'm not feeling too—" As if to underscore the sentiment, he sneezed, the sound echoing throughout the Kindergarten. " _Ugh_..."

Rhodonite scrambled to her feet, all four of her hands lifted almost defensively. "What the heck was that?" she gasped, the words quavering.

"It's just a sneeze." He tried not to sound too derisive—she was an inorganic being, it was probably her first sneeze.

"Stay right there," she ordered, taking a few steps back before turning on her heel and sprinting to a different part of the Kindergarten.

"Rhodonite, wait! It's not that—ugh…" No point in trying to reason with her retreating form. He hauled himself upright and started after her, albeit at a much slower pace.

He didn't get far. "Human Lars!" He looked down in time to see Padparadscha rush him and seize his hand, her expression distraught. "I've had a _terrible_ vision!"

"Yeah?" To the best of his knowledge, nothing catastrophic had happened in the last fifteen minutes. "What's up?"

"Something _awful_ is going to happen to you!" Her grip on his hand tightened.

"Well, I wouldn't call it 'awful,'" he said slowly before being cut off by another sneeze.

"It's already started!" she gasped. "Oh, _Lars…_ "

"Look, it's not that bad," he offered. Try as he might to reassure her that he _wasn't_ dying, it ultimately proved pointless.

The group converged all at once behind one of the taller, spire-like stalagmites—Padparadscha pushing Lars from behind, Rhodonite dragging the Rutiles, Fluorite bringing up the rear. "It's already begun," Padparadscha announced solemnly.

"And it's _awful_ ," Rhodonite stressed.

"Okay, let's all just take a chill pill," Lars interrupted, hoping to head off their panic.

"It doesn't _look_ like he's dying," one of Rutiles commented, breaking away from the group and carefully inspecting him.

"Looks okay to me," their companion agreed, looking him over from a different angle.

"Guys, I'm _fine_ ," Lars insisted. It might have been more effective had he not interrupted himself with another sneeze. "Ugh…"

The Rutiles gasped sharply, stumbling back in surprise as their hands flew up to their mouths. "He _is_ dying," they intoned.

"I'm not dying!" Lars groaned. "Oh my god—guys, it's just a cold. I'm gonna be over it in a week."

"You promise?" Rhodonite asked warily.

He nodded, appropriately solemn, before being swept up by Fluorite. "Thank goodness," she intoned, slowly—apparently, being made of six people in a trenchcoat, all of whom had opinions to be voiced in her head, tended to slow things down.

"Thanks, lola," he replied, reaching up to pat Fluorite's arm. "Think you could maybe put me down now?"

Fluorite complied with the request and set him on the ground once more, patting his head affectionately as she did so. He didn't recoil from the contact as quickly as he might have back home. "Hey, can you do me a favor?" he asked, turning his attention back to Padparadscha. "I need my backpack—can you go and get it?"

She nodded once before turning and darting off. She paused just before rounding a corner and called over her shoulder to her companions. "Good news, everyone! Lars _isn't_ going to die!"

Lars couldn't help but smile as he turned his attention back to the other Gems, all of them watching him intently. "What happens now?" Rhodonite asked.

"I'm gonna put on my hoodie and take a nap," he said, shrugging slightly.

"What about us?" "What can we do?" the Rutiles asked.

"I'll get over it in a week—you don't have to do anything if you don't want," he replied.

"What if we want to?" Fluorite said at length.

"Uhh…" The question, admittedly, threw him for a loop, as Padparadscha returned with his backpack. "Hang out, I guess?" He pulled the hoodie from the bag and over his head. "I'm taking a nap, I don't know what you guys want to do."

"We'll nap, too," Fluorite announced, settling in, her body curved an almost crescent shape. The other Gems nodded in agreement.

Even if he hadn't been tired and not feeling well, somehow Lars knew he wouldn't have protested the arrangement. He dropped into a sitting position on the ground between the Rutiles and Rhodonite, pulling up and tightening his hood. "Wake me up if something big happens," he requested, the group leaning against Fluorite, Padparadscha making herself comfortable in Rhodonite's lap, and settling in.

They didn't know sickness, not in the way Lars did—but they at least had a good idea about this.

**Author's Note:**

> Man, if you didn't like Lars before the Wanted event, you missed the fuck out.


End file.
